I was fortunate to have a mother who always said “anything is possible” so I grew up believing it was. She validated me when other mothers would not have. I remember once a neighbor was over when I handed my report card to my mother. My mother read it with a huge smile on her face and pointed out all the things that I did well. The neighbor looked on with with puzzlement across her face before blurting out, “but she got a D in math.” My mother turned to her sharply saying “but she got an A in English literature,” and put the report card back in the envelope and gave me a hug. She said, “you are amazing and I know that you know that math. Why don’t you show them next term”... and show them I did.
Math was never my strong subject, but I soared in other subjects and abilities. I constantly challenged my teachers for answers they didn’t always have and told them about other possibilities I saw that they didn’t. I exasperated some teachers who focused their attention on my shortcomings, my challenge to spell, being dyslexic, instead of what I was good at or exploring new possibilities with me. I was fortunate to have validation from my mother at home but I think back on other kids in my classes and wonder how they might have been affected. The education system I knew was focused on tests and conformity rather than creativity, exploration and encouraging students to go beyond the text books. We can crush or “dummify” children or we can be a beacon, enabling our children to shine and be the true potential genius they really are.... How? Validate them!!!!
We need to acknowledge and accept the thoughts, feelings, or experiences of our children, whatever they may be. The reason is because children are so tuned in,
and connected. To what you may ask? I believe, it is that source or collective consciousness from whence we all came. There’s a wisdom beyond our knowledge.
When we are praised our mind expand. For instance, there are hints that preschoolers develop better social skills when we praise them for displaying good manners (Garner 2006; Hastings et al 2007).
And experiments show that certain kinds of praise don't just make children happier. They also increase a child's persistence and resilience (Morris and Zentall 2014).
Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Mark Lepper, psychologists who analyzed over 30 years of studies on the effects of praise (Henderlong and Lepper 2002). They determined that praise can be a powerful motivating force if you follow these guidelines:
- Be sincere and specific when praising a child's performance
- Praise children only for traits they have the power to change
- Use descriptive praise of things they have achieved
- Encourage kids to focus on mastering skills—not on comparing themselves to others
Before 7 years old a child is absorbing their information with their subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is what we run on 90% of our waking hours, so what we feed our children in those early years is what governs our adult lives. See Bruce Lipton. There are ways to reprogram our beliefs, Super Seeing being one, but that’s for another blog post. Each of us was born brilliant and as parents we can either oppress or enhance that natural brilliance inside. The question is how should we program our children’s subconscious mind to nurture their brilliance. Firstly, learn to validate, which is my number one lesson for parents and educators
Posted on Tue, May 22, 2018
by Michele Claiborne